I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
