im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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