My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
