Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
