A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
