i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
