I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
