just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
nutella sex= disaster
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
