tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
