he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I cannot find my penis.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
