I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
