my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
