I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
