I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
