guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
