Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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