Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
