Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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