I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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