you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
