i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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