I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
