I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
