hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
