he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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