Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
