So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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