We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
