She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
