Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
