It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
