Please, let me fuck your mom
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
