I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
