just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
