Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
