he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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