I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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