In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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