why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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