In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
