ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
