So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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