Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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