you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
