had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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