oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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