she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
