You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
