Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
