is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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