I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
