Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
