The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
