Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
True strength comes from lack of pants
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
