Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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